14. How Do You Know You’re Alive?
The man with no pulse.
Applied for three jobs before getting out of bed. One mentioned “stakeholder mapping,” which sounds a bit like urban hunting.
Sun was out. Dare I take another sick day to enjoy it?
—
The office was cold. They’ve decided it’s summer and shut off the heating.
No milk in the pantry. I tried a black coffee. Bitter.
Took it to my desk and fired up the desktop. The news feed had an article about a man with an artificial heart. It whooshes blood around the body. It’s a scientific breakthrough. Fewer moving parts can break.
But it has no pulse.
Finished up some work admin and went back to the job search. Edited my cover letter. Made it worse.
Someone arrived with milk to great applause.
If your heart doesn’t beat, how do you know you’re not about to die?
Wrote an article about sandwiches. Sent it to a publication on Medium.
Checked my email. Nothing. Not even spam.
Googled how people know they’re alive.
In the afternoon, there was a meeting about targets. I sat there counting my heartbeats.
Someone presented slides. At the end, they asked for thoughts. I said, “Go back to basics. Review what isn’t working.”
The boss said I was right. He wants me to lead a review team. Surprising, after the warning.
Sun was still out, so I walked home, imagining the whoosh of blood in my chest.
Filled out seven more applications over dinner. A Penne Arrabiata. Something I saw Tim Lovejoy eat on Sunday Brunch.
Went to bed early and read.
Thud. Thud. Thud.