50. Haunting My Own Flat
I wasn’t naked. I had my shirt off.
Got an email back from the estate agent. Fucking madness.
Had spent all morning cleaning. Was hot and sweaty. Only went on the balcony to cool down for a minute.
Subject: Follow-Up Regarding Today’s Viewing
Dear Mr Fairweather,
Thank you again for arranging access to the flat this morning. I want to provide a brief summary of how the viewing went and offer some thoughts ahead of any future appointments.
While it is of course your prerogative to remain in the property during viewings, your method of presence was, for want of a better word, unconventional.
Specifically:
- Although the front door was ajar (is the latch broken?), you did not respond to knocks or calls, which made introductions difficult. The clients weren’t sure if the flat was vacant or under investigation.
- You ignored all greetings and stood half-naked on the balcony, watching in silence with your arms folded. One later described “a sense of unease before we even entered the apartment.”
- You followed us around the flat, watching silently through the windows. It felt intrusive and difficult to ignore. On that note, as discussed previously, consider installing frosted glass for the bathroom.
- Throughout the tour, you shouted “SHUT UP, PRINCESS!” repeatedly. Presumably, this was directed at the dog you’ve mentioned before, but it did little to reduce the noise and only added to the overall tension and strangeness.
- While I guided the clients into the kitchen, you remained on the balcony, at one point laughing audibly as they opened the bin cupboard.
As we left, you pointed at us and shouted, “Let’s see how you react to that!” I’m not sure what this meant, but I’m afraid their reaction wasn’t positive.
They will not be proceeding with the sale, Jolon. They said: “We liked the flat. But we think he haunts it.”
Given the nature of this experience, and some of the difficulties we’ve encountered in prior communications, I believe it may be in both our interests for you to consider working with a different agent going forward.
I genuinely wish you all the best in the sale of your property. You might consider removing the empty wine bottles before another viewing.
On a personal note, I realise this is a difficult time, and you may need some help. ██████ ███████████████ ███████████.
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Kind regards, █████████████