Dragged myself back to the office for the staff interviews. Told Martin I’d find the root of all our problems. Get to grips with what everyone is doing wrong. What gets in their way. What they ignore. What they’ve invented themselves because they think they know best. Straightforward. Simple.
First up was a woman from Accounts. Apparently called Melissa. I asked her to talk me through what happens when a request lands with her. She gave an adequate answer, although she kept saying basically.
Process knowledge: 7/10
Communication: 6/10
General confidence: 7.5/10
She asked me why I was writing down numbers. Told her they’re just for my notes.
Attention to detail: 9/10
Strong start for Melissa. Next up was Beefy. He was supposed to come down at eleven but messaged at five past to say he was stuck in a meeting with a client. I found him in an office with Martin and a few suits. Knocked on the door and beckoned him over.
“I’m in a meeting, Jolon.”
“Yes, with me. Let’s go. Martin can close this.”
Martin nodded and Beefy got up to follow me back to my room. Flexible. Obedient. Good traits.
When we got into it, I was impressed with his process knowledge. He knew things even I wasn’t aware of. But I got the sense he wasn’t taking any of this seriously. I asked what he would change if he could change one thing.
“Fewer meetings,” he said. Minus one for sass.
Process knowledge: 9/10
Communication: 5/10
General confidence: 8/10
Flexibility: 7/10
Prioritisation skills: 4/10
By lunchtime, I’d already done four of them. There was more variation than expected. Some people were excellent. Some probably shouldn’t be trusted with a stapler. I added another column for Problem-solving under pressure, though it was difficult to assess because nobody had been put under any real pressure yet. Will go back to it after I ramp up the project.
Went through my notes over lunch (New York Deli sandwich from Pret), and noticed I still had one obvious gap in the data. Martin. He was at his desk. I pulled up a chair beside him.
“Got ten minutes?” I asked. Firm, but polite.
“For what?”
“Your interview.”
He finally stopped typing and looked up. “My interview?”
“You’re part of the process. No one is above scrutiny.”
“Jolon, before we get into that, what the hell was that earlier? You walked into the room, interrupted the meeting and told [Beefy] to leave.”
“He was scheduled for eleven.”
Martin looked at my notebook. “Are you scoring people?”
I explained it to him. Slowly. You can’t properly assess a process without assessing the people processing it. Shouldn’t have to explain this stuff to a manager.
“These are process interviews,” he said. “Not performance reviews.”
“Yes,” I said. “Ready to start?”
“No, Jolon. I’m busy.”
Receptiveness to scrutiny: 2/10
There was just one more interview to do after that. I’d saved the best for last. Booked the fancy corner room for it. A great view of the railway bridge.
Jadyn arrived carrying two coffees and put one in front of me. Black, just how I like it. She noticed my notebook almost immediately and asked if she was being assessed.
Absolutely not, I assured her. But she reached across and started reading through the scores. I explained they were private working notes rather than formal assessments, but she was already enjoying herself too much.
She wanted to know whether I was going to score her as well. Of course I was. Everyone gets treated equally. She sat up straight. Game face on.
“Go on then, Jolon.”
Her answers were strong. Better than most, actually. She understood where the process was getting clogged up and had noticed the same problems I had. Basically too many meetings.
Business instinct: 9/10.
She saw me write it and objected to only getting a nine. I told her no one gets ten because then there’s nowhere left to grow. She called me a dickhead. But was smiling.
When we were done, she grabbed her coffee and asked if she was free to go. Almost. There was still one outstanding action. I asked her if she fancied a drink after work some time. She wanted to know whether that was part of the review. Told her it was an informal stakeholder liaison.
“Next Thursday?”
“OK, Jolon. Next Thursday.”
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