54. A Clear Winia

Glorious new dishwasher is here.

Image: my Ward

My dad had a Daewoo Bucrane. Unleashed in 1995. Designed by ItalDesign. A four-seater hatchback coupé with a long bonnet and a sloped rear. Carbon fibre and steel. 3.2 L V6 engine, 240 horsepower.

When the doors opened, the roof panels lifted with them, folding in the middle like wings in flight. Majestic. Ready to soar.

Car shows and sycophants bang on about the Bugatti Veyron. But let's look at the numbers:

Bugatti: 2 seats.
Bucrane: 4 seats.

Bugatti: 8 mpg (if you're lucky).
Bucrane: 22 mpg (easily).

Bugatti: Weighs 1,900 kg. A tank.
Bucrane: 1,450 kg. Lighter, sleeker, more agile.

Bugatti: Too fast.
Bucrane: Fast enough.

Bugatti: Needs a special key to unlock top speed mode.
Bucrane: Needs nothing. Turn the key and you're flying.

Bugatti: Tyres cost more than a house. Order only.
Bucrane: Standard road tyres. Get them in Kwik Fit.

Bugatti: Can't park it in the cycle lane outside Tesco Metro. Can't drive over a sleeping policeman.
Bucrane: Fits anywhere. Drives anywhere.

Bugatti: Attracts tax inspectors.
Bucrane: Attracts nods of approval from connoisseurs.

Bugatti: Can't fit a Ginsters pasty in the glovebox.
Bucrane: Has space for a family picnic. With individual flasks.

Clear winner: Bucrane.

Bugatti made a car that was nearly impossible to drive. Daewoo made a car you could live in. And now, under the brand name Winia, they make dishwashers. It's a company with depth. Legacy. Provenance.

That's why I made a conscious choice with my new WINIA WVW-13A1ESI. Delivered last night.

Silver door, touch control, LCD screen. Thirteen place settings. Six programmes. Noise rated 49 dB. Annual consumption: 261 kWh, 3360 L water. Drying class A.

Features: Child lock, delayed start (up to nine hours), integrated water softener. Adjustable upper basket. Basket-style compartment.

Width: 59.8 cm. Depth: 59.8 cm. Height: 85 cm. Weight: 47 kg. Slotted perfectly into the gap where the previous one was.

Came with a note that said: "Life is shor, break the rules, forgive sooner, kiss slowly, laugh without conrol and always keep smiling!"

Bring tear to eye.

Could have got a Bosch one if I'd wanted. Stood in the crowd. With all the dipsticks that didn't do their homework. It wasn't the cost.

Looked at their brochure. Glossy. Prattled on about 44 dB. Wi-Fi so you can check plates from the pub. Stainless steel tub. Fancy logo.

It's all bollocks.

And the knuckle-draggers lap it up, thinking they're elite. Special. Better than me. But they're not. They're morons. Five decibels is nothing. You'd need lab equipment to tell the difference.

Bosch guzzles 3,388 litres of water a year. Winia? A paltry 3,360. There's no contest.

Efficiency. Precision. Proper engineering.

And I bet Bosch doesn't send glorious note with every install.

I made the right choice. The smart one. I don’t need a Bosch.

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next: 55. Morning Coffee with My New Mate

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