4. Acceptable Components of a Fry-Up

Breakfast is serious. People are wrong. All the time.

Image: my Ward

Mentioned my birthday fry-up at work. Shouldn’t have. Sparked a full-blown row.

Someone said tofu. Fucking tofu.

Do belong on a fry-up:

• Bacon

• Eggs (fried or scrambled only)

• Sausage

• Tomatoes

• Mushrooms

• Black pudding

• Toast

Absolutely do NOT belong on a fry-up:

• Tofu

• Baked beans (unless in a side pot)

• Rocket

• Peas

• Chips

• Spam

• Avocado

• Salmon

• Spinach

• Coco Pops

• Turkey bacon

• Pickled onions

• Syrup

• Kippers

• Streaky bacon

• Any sauce that isn’t mustard

Heathens, the lot of them. Didn’t speak to anyone for the rest of the day.

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next: 5. The Man with a Single Mushroom

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