38. Whoops
A pattern of concerning behaviour.
Got an email on my way to work.
Subject: Termination of Employment: Jolon Fairweather
Dear Mr Fairweather,
Following a comprehensive review of your recent conduct, alongside an accumulation of prior incidents, your employment with ███████████ is terminated with immediate effect.
At the recent summer party, you arrived intoxicated and were witnessed shouting at colleagues. When asked to leave by your line manager, you removed your tie, fastened it around your head, and physically assaulted him.
This alone would constitute grounds for dismissal. Further reports allege you placed a handwritten note on the staff kitchen fridge reading:
“Fucking booze. All of it, you cunts.”
The note was discovered the following morning by a junior staff member, who was visibly distressed.
You were also previously made aware that your appointment as lead for the internal review team was presented as a final opportunity to demonstrate commitment, accountability, and professional growth.
Despite this, the project was submitted late and with minimal regard for standards, accompanied by the message “Report Fucking Done”. A tone now characteristic of your workplace communications.
This follows a pattern of concerning behaviour, including:
- Repeated lateness, despite previous discussions and a formal warning;
- Poor communication and disengagement from core responsibilities;
- An incident of unauthorised consumption of a colleague’s food, which led to a formal complaint;
- A general deterioration in your attitude towards peers, supervisors, and workplace expectations.
In addition to the above, we have received multiple serious reports regarding your behaviour at work-related social functions.
You allegedly attended a private gathering (believed to be a wake) without an invitation. Witnesses report that you insulted guests upon arrival, told a story deemed grossly inappropriate and disturbing, and mimed shooting yourself in the head while others were speaking.
More distressingly, you allegedly initiated a physical altercation with female staff in the bathroom. One witness claims you wet yourself during the incident. You did not challenge this account when given the opportunity.
We are also aware of concerns raised regarding potential narcotics use during working hours. While unproven, the pattern of behaviour has been noted.
Taken collectively, your actions reflect a sustained disregard for the values, culture, and well-being of those around you. We have concluded that continued employment is no longer tenable.
IMPORTANT: You are not to attend work.
Your system access has been revoked, and your accounts closed. Any attempt to enter the premises will result in ███████████ pursuing criminal trespass proceedings.
Your final salary, including any outstanding holiday pay, will be processed within five working days. Your personal belongings will be sent to your registered address by courier.
Please arrange for the return of any company property by Friday.
We are not in a position to provide a reference.
Be advised that the assault at the office party has been reported to the police.
Sincerely,
HR Department
███████████
Replied to clarify the “Report Fucking Done” comment was about a different report I hadn’t done. It bounced back.